Seeing Who We Are Today

Been almost two weeks... time to exercise some keeping of one's word.

Well, I can cross two things off my list: I survived x-mas intact and I changed the oil in my car. Literally, that was my one big activity of the day last Wednesday. I'm on a serious vacation-mode bender lately. I still have to see a doctor, but some encouraging news (at least today--every day is different) is that I feel in less pain than I have for some time now. I'm still taking it easy so as not to aggravate the rheumatizz, but there needs to be a balance of that and some self-rehab, where I try to regain some limberness. Seriously, never take your health for granted if you have it... I always did until it was taken from me. I've even taken to using a cane (the days I'm not being vain) for support if I need it when I'm out. I'm also trying to treat it as something of an accessory; got comments about looking Dr. House-like recently, too. Silliness mixed in with gravity and concern about the future unknowns.

In a nutshell, feeling more upbeat and positive. And since I'm in the (sometimes insane) business of "putting it out there" so that it has a better chance of coming true, I need to take advantage of this "energy" to do good things. I'm writing, that's a start, but I'm concern that this is one of the most boring reads in history and nobody gives a crap. Welp, it's gotta be for me and who cares if nobody gives a crap. I like to please people too much because I like attention... the little drama queen within.

I want to write more collaboratively, which is something several friends of mine have proposed. I want to follow through on that and be a creative dynamo. I often draw inspiration from the energy of others, like a vampire, but more of a symbiotic vamp, not a pure leech... at least I hope. I am also in possession of a spice rack full of tricks to give writing a kick. This is cool.

I attribute a lot of my current kick to the works of other artists. Film and music have been my salvation in that regard lately. Classical music does some serious shaking up of my insides and the power of art appreciation takes hold. That's when I want to create most... that's when I can see myself working obsessively, like a beast, to create something I consider noteworthy and powerful. I've been writing some random-ish paragraphs lately that I hope will become somehow coalesce or inspire something bigger and better, something publishable--something that sends me a cheque. Mmmm, money. Sorry, bad habit... sometimes I think I've been so deeply ingrained in capitalistic worship that it will take a monumental effort to change my sometimes greedy habits. But we need money to keep on moving. I like what I read recently about Stanley Kubrick, which talked about how he saw money only as a means to independence, rather than something to stockpile and hoard, so that he and his fellow artist wife could have their space to create and be comfortable. A lot of times I feel like I'm a hot house flower--that I can only thrive under ideal conditions. We'll see if that's true or not. Yes, ideal conditions are nice, but that hasn't often been my experience in this harsh life so far. It could be a lot worse, I know, but I need to create before I die... and the clock is a-tickin'.

Thank you all for the likes and encouragement you've shown me when I did my first posting last week. I will try to do different things with this forum in the future, maybe something scholarly (Zzzz) or some excerpts of writing. Who knows... not like I plan much of anything. Here's to hoping 2013 will be a year of rejuvenation and bon cheer. Auf weidersehen.

P.S. If you want to read a true blog at its most entertaining, informative, and creative, look no further than my good friend Gretta's "Say It With A Smirk"
http://sayitwithasmirk.blogspot.com/